FARTS.COM
CLASSIFIED · ACOUSTIC DIAGNOSTICSCASE FILE OPEN

Record a fart. Get a funny AI dossier. Challenge anyone.

Ten-second capture, instant Bureau classification, private replay on your report, challenge links with a winner/loser verdict, and an opt-in moderated public feed. No account required.

Record my fartTry demo (no mic)

Anonymous by default · Private unless you post · No signup

Browse the public feed →

NO SIGNUP
Anonymous session. No account required.
PRIVATE BY DEFAULT
Replay your specimen on the dossier. Post to the feed only if you opt in.
CHALLENGE & FEED
Send a challenge link. Rival records back. Public feed is moderated.
CASE FILEBAG-2026-04412
CLASSIFICATION

Velvet Foghorn

SUBJECT TITLE
The Midnight Bean
SEALED
POWER SCORE
73/ 100
DURATION
2.41s
THREAT LEVEL
Amber
CONFIDENCE · Speculative
EMOTIONAL TONE
Wistful defiance
PROBABLE CAUSE
Late-night legume symposium
CINEMATIC PARALLEL
A deleted scene from a Cold War submarine drama
ACOUSTIC SAMPLE
CHANNEL · MONO
SAMPLE · 02.41s · 44.1 kHz
HASH · fart_8c1d4a92b6e037f1
ISSUED · 2026-05-17 16:42 UTC
IIFIELD PROCEDURE
IIOPERATIONS MANUAL

A small lab. A serious refusal to be serious.

Every dossier moves through three stations. The procedure is humourless on purpose; the output is humourless on accident.

  1. IRECORD

    Capture a real specimen in ten seconds.

    Use your microphone in the browser. We store your clip, issue a funny AI dossier, and let you replay it privately on your report.

    SPEC
    LIVE AUDIO · WEBM / OGG · ~10s max · no signup
  2. IICLASSIFY

    FartGPT issues a serious diagnosis.

    Twelve fields, all clinically unnecessary. Classification, power score, emotional undertone, cinematic parallel, methane advisory. The model is bound by a strict refuse-list — no medical claims, no profanity beyond mild parody.

    SPEC
    Structured JSON · brand-safety validated · server-controlled hash
  3. IIISHARE

    Challenge, replay, or opt into the feed.

    Send a challenge link so your rival hears your fart and records a counter-specimen. Verdict compares scores. Post to the moderated public feed only when you choose.

    SPEC
    Challenge link · private replay · opt-in feed · share card